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i love mac.
my psychologist said it would help me to write this letter.
dear mr. culkin,
i am your biggest fan. i love your blonde hair, blue eyes, and oh so red lips. home alone 1 and 2, uncle buck, the good son, getting even with dad, richie rich, my girl, sonic youth's sunday video directed by harmony korine. us three are the only ones who truly understand its cinematic genius.
I LOVE YOU![ASAMI CULKIN] I LOVE YOU![ASAMI CULKIN] I LOVE YOU MACAULAY CULKIN! I WANT TO BE THE MOTHER OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL CHILD! I LOVE YOU MACAULAY!
it's a good thing you divorced your fucking ugly ass wife because i would have had to slit her fucking throat. and you better get rid of that stupid whore from that 70's show or i will. jesus christ macaulay, she was in american psycho 2! we ARE soulmates macaulay. we're cut from the same cloth. pick up the shard macaulay! pick up the fucking shard! ahhhhh. I LOVE YOU![ASAMI CULKIN] I LOVE YOU![ASAMI CULKIN] I LOVE YOU MACAULAY CULKIN! I WANT TO BE THE MOTHER OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL CHILD! I LOVE YOU MACAULAY!
sincerely,
miss olson.
I AM NOT A LESBIAN.
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black market.
i went to china. where i met a man with black hair and slanted eyes. he seduced me with his broken english, so i went back to his hotel room.
chorus: my liver's on ebay. kidneys at ranch 99. i went to china they gutted me like a fish. CHING CHONG BLING LONG BLACK MARKET. HING CHING LING VING BLACK MARKET.
when i awoke the next morning i was alone and in a bathtub full of ice. he told me he loved me but he really loved my pancreas. and now i'm in pain because my heart's broken and i don't have my tonsils.
chorus.
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disneyland.
i want to meet my prince charming.
i want to go on a wild ride.
i want to see the small world.
and eat cotton candy till i vomit all day long.
f- uc.
f- clairemont.
f- san diego.
we're going to disneyland.
at disneyland we'll get free hugs from all our favorite characters.
who are really just creeps that get off feeling up little kids.
f- mission street.
f- excelsior.
f- san francisco.
we're going to disneyland.
oh how we love you disneyland.
oh how we love you disneyland.
oh how we love you disneyland!
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i robot.
i have no friends, so i made a robot.
his name is x5qr7.
we watch short circuit and it has a crush on johnny 5.
maybe it's my halitosis that keeps people away.
i love my robot and it loves me.
[i love me owner and she loves me]
we're as happy as can be.
if you weren't my robot...
[if you weren't my owner...]
i would be smoking pot.
[i would be a car motor]
i have no friends, so i made a robot.
we went on battle bots and won first prize.
it has blenders for hands and a calculator for a brain.
but its heart is made of gold, not an appliance.
how i found the young republicans/why i don't do lsd.
iusedtobejustlikeyou
heyididthedopeanddroppedlsd
butthatallchangedthisismystory
onedayididsomelsdbecauseithoughtiwasgoingtoadeadshow
butthenmyneighbormrs.johnsoncalled
andtoldmethatihadpromisedtobabysit
soiwentoverthereandiwastrippingouthardcore
andmrs.johnsonwaslikeileftsomefoodoutforyouandthebaby
i'mgoingtoseeamoviebuti'llbebackinacoupleofhours
soi'mstarvingsoiputtheturkeyintheovenandstartwatcingsometv
butthenmrsjohnsoncallsanditellher
everything'sfineicookedtheturkeythenshehungup
butiguessshesoonrealizedthatshedidn'thaveaturkry
thatihadactuallycookedandateherbaby
iwasondrugsididn'tknow
ithoughtthebabywasaturkey
iateababy
andthat'swhenifoundjesuschrist
andsoonafterthattheyoungrepublicans
iain'tnodopesmokinghippynomore
4moreyears.4moreyears.
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disease!
asami you don't look to hott. do you have a fever? are your palms clamy? are you experiencing double vision? how about your hearing? can you hear me? can you hear me? OH NO!
allopecia was discovered when a biologist blew a dokey who fucked a tj whore with HIV that had eaten a mad cow disease hamburger which was cooked by someone with polio and SARS. chances are if you catch it you will DIE. DIE. DIE!
symptoms vary but may include; cold chills, hot flashes, itchy scalp, runny nose, dry eyes, flat feet, dirty nails, heart burn.
the only way to cure allopecia is to listen to the merdivorators because our music has certain soundwaves that attack the antibodies causing you to feel better. better come to our shows. better buy our stuff. better be our slaves. better watch one episode of lizzy maguire every three to four days. if you don't you will DIE. DIE. DIE!
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pfr.
sorry i'm not punk like you. what do you want me to do-
dye my hair and act all cool?!?
maybe i'll even drop outta school.
PUNKROCKPUNKROCKPFRPFR
PUNKSNOTDEADITSUNHYGIENICPUNK!
yeah i see you at the shows
but you laugh at me and call me a whore.
i guess that's just the way things go.
even though they shouldn't.
no. no. NO!
PUNKROCKPUNKROCK
MICKEYMOUSEISDEADGOTKICKEDINTHEHEAD!
you have a black neck [due to your poor hygiene]
and say hell instead of heck. you say that we really blow.
even though you've never been to a show.
well, i guess you've heard us now
so how do you like our....
PUNKROCKPUNKROCKPFRPFR
PUNKSNOTDEADITSUNHYGIENICPUNK!
P-U-N-K in the USA.
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